NEVER REJECT THE GIFT OF REJECTION

I am sure I got your attention? 

Oh! Did I hear you saying, "Tolu, you are really missing it! You are just plain funny with your positivity by calling rejection a gift. Rejection hurts too much to be good for me in any way." 

Sure, I can relate to your viewpoint because I used to feel that way too. All I ask of you today is that you read through this note to the end, and contemplate the ideas I share. You just never know how your perspective might expand if you do.

Sometimes ago, I wrote about “Failure as a stepping stone to Success”, and one of my followers emailed me later asking, "How do I handle rejection?" He told me about the rejection he recently experienced then and how dejected he was. As I engaged him in private discussions, taking him out of his dejection, I decided that I should devote my time to put up an article on REJECTION since rejection is such a major and very common aspect of our daily and lifelong experience. It happens to almost all of us, doesn't it?

We experience it when we are young. Parents criticize us -- some may even walk out of our lives or force us out of theirs. Friends call us names on the playground and talk about us behind our backs. The deep sting of rejection continues into puberty as our boyfriends and girlfriends leave us. I'm sure
you remember your first break-up as if it was yesterday, don't you? Our teachers returned our answer scripts to us with low marks and negative comments.

Our adult life is full of refusals. Business proposals get tossed aside by potential investors. Our friends and family members mock our dreams. We were told after job interview to go and be expecting a call that never came. Manuscripts we have written get thrown into a waste basket, never getting a second look. Even minor snubs upset us -- the okada we desperately need under rain passes us by.

So, when does this rejection stop?

Guess what? It cannot stop. There are over 6 billion people on this planet and whether we like it or not, each of us is entitled to his or her opinion. We have freedom to shape our life experiences and that means we are all making choices every minute of every day. Sometimes the choice we made leaves us out. If you take someone's else choice as a personal rejection, you will surely feel deep pain.

Rejection needs not be personal unless we choose to see it that way. I remember back then my NYSC state Coordinator, Mr Etukudor, the man always get mad at Corps Members saying “I was rejected where I was posted to”. “O boy, that’s not good. Don’t say Rejection, your service was not needed, simple”. He was found of telling Corps members that claimed he was given a rejection letter. That is a man of possitive mind.

As a student I fell in love with a smart, good-looking lady. I dearly loved her. But, after few years of dating she backed away. I was devastated. I couldn't understand why she didn't see that we were perfect for each other. As I sit here more than many years later, I am grateful that she was honest and moved on when she did. She gave me a gift through that "rejection." If I hadn't taken it to mean an opportunity to get it better, I could have caused myself a great deal of grief.

I share these stories with you to encourage you to avoid the needless suffering you might be walking through. Rejection is never personal. If someone rejects me I have come to understand that it is not about me. If a parent or a spouse leaves, it's not because of some lack in you, it's because of their own inner issues. I invite you to notice how different you would feel inside if you could accept that as true. I always see that rejection offers me clarity and direction.

Consider the following ideas about rejection. I am sure some of them might offer you new perspectives to support you in your journey:

1. REJECTION IS NOT ABOUT YOU, it's someone making a choice based on their own, deeply felt inner needs and goals. It's futile to try to control another person. People think what they think and want what they want. What we can change is the way we choose to interpret another person's choice and how we respond to them. Each of us here on Earth is entitled to their own journey.

2. REJECTION SHOWS US OUR NEXT OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH. It guides us to the wounds that we have within that need to be healed. The suffering we feel leads us to greater levels of self-awareness if we choose to learn and grow from the experience. When someone rejects us it shows us how sensitive we are and the ways we are probably still questioning and doubting ourselves.

3. IF YOU DON'T REJECT YOURSELF, NOBODY ELSE CAN EITHER. An important key to moving beyond rejection is to learn to love and accept yourself for who you are and where you are in life. If you accept and love yourself fully, would it matter if someone walked out on you? Of course, you might feel loss. Moving through the mourning process might be painful; it needs not to be devastating. When you are happy with yourself, people can say or do anything to you and it really doesn't affect you all that much. You listen to their comments as observations. Thank them for their honesty. Smile or shrug, and then move on with your day.

4. REJECTION IS A GIFT. Sincerely it is. Yes, seems strange to say it, but it is actually quite wonderful when someone honestly tells you they aren't interested in you! It opens the door for new things, better-suited friends and partners, and fresh experiences to fulfill your destiny. It is a blessing when people tell the truth and say what they are thinking! By doing this, they save us time and energy. I would much prefer someone to be real with me than to pretend that things are a way that they really aren't.

Take time this week end to look more closely at the way you experience rejections -- the little daily ones and the big ones too.

How strong is your emotional reaction when others bypass you?

Would you save energy if you didn't take it to heart?

If you could see rejection as an opportunity to move forward with clear direction, how might you feel about recent situations where people have left you out?

As actor Sylvester Stallone once said, "I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat."

Wow, I am happy you have taken your time to read this far. Congratulation!!! You just learnt about many GIFTS to come your way disguise as REJECTIONS.

Now, I leave you to enjoy your with this saying by -Ralph Waldo Emerson "Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."